Doctor-Patient Jokes 1

Doctor And Patient

NANAY   :      Hala oi! mga pila kaha ka sako dok kay palit na ko hardware? Karon dayon aron mauga na ugma.

ANAK:     Nay oi! pakauwaw ra man ka! sagulan pa gani ug balas!

 DOCTOR: ayaw kalimti ang hollow block ha!!

——

Bungi Gitahi sa Doctor.  Tapos Gitistingan  pagpa-pronounce.

DOCTOR: Cge e pronounce daw LUZON VISAYAS MINDANAO ,

BUNGI: LUKOT , PASAYAN, BULINAO.

DOCTOR: naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! MITAMOOT….

 ———-

PATIENT:  Kung doktor ka, paano mo sasabihin sa pasyente mo na hindi na magtatagal ang buhay nya?

DOCTOR: Ganito… Makulay! Makulay! Ang buhay! Ang buhay! Makulay ang buhay sa kabilang buhay!

———

A mental patient singing while lying in a hospital bed, after a song dumapa siya.

DOCTOR: O ngano ka nibaliktad??
PATIENT:  Ignorante ka ba??? Side B na man!!!

———–

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The Choice that Man Made for Himself

They say that the reason man is in a mess he is in today is because when he had a choice, he wanted to get the best for himself. Below is one such account which I got via email  from Reynaldo “Bembot”  Española  of Compostela Valley, Mindanao:

 On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”  The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?” And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”  The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?” And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”  But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?” “Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

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