Pacquiao Jokes

Here is a compilations of various Pacquiao-isms. Laugh your hearts loud.

"HIDDEN SOLDIERS!" ………………..yan ang sagot ni Manny Pacquiao sa tanong na "What is the world's No. 1 anti-dandruff shampoo?" (Head 'n Shoulders)

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Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
Aling Dionisia: Talaga?…gusto ko gumanda!
Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako.

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Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!

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Reporter: Ngayong nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know?(Avon..)

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Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?
Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?

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Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo.
Bradley: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know?

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Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yun g seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.

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Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin??MANKY?…

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Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu?
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)

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Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.
Jinky : Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita? ang dilim!!

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Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan…
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm…eh… ang masasabi kulang diyan ay….
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan,…maraming pish sa Gen San pero wala masyado umo-order

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Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk
Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!
& nbsp;
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Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!
Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal

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Sa Las Vegas
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!

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Sa isang Birthday Party
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!

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You is!' 'you is! you is!', sigaw ni Aling
Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika..Andito na ako sa 'you is!'

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The Dove and the Ant

The good things that you  do today will bear fruit in the future.

 

 

Once, a dove saw an ant struggling in the water. 
 
He took pity on the ant and threw down a leaf. 
 
The ant climbed on to the leaf and reached the shore safely.
 
After some days, the ant saw the hunter aiming an arrow at the dove flying above. 
 
He wanted to save the dove. So, he bit the hunter’s leg. 
 
The hunter missed his aim and the dove flew safely. 
 
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The Greed Trap

This is a story normally used by motivational speakers to inspire people to let go of their old perceptions.  Alternatively, it could also be used to show how greed could be used to tie up or trap people.

There is a kind of monkey trap used in Asia. A coconut is hollowed out and attached by a rope to a tree or stake in the ground. At the bottom of the coconut a small slit is made and some sweet food is placed inside. The hole on the bottom of the coconut is just big enough for the monkey to slide in his open hand, but does not allow for a closed fist to pass out. The monkey smells the sweets, reaches in with his hand to grasp the food and is unable to withdraw it.

The clinched fist won't pass through the opening. When the hunters come, the monkey becomes frantic but cannot get away. There is no one keeping that monkey captive, except the force of its own attachment. All that it has to do is open its hand. But so strong is the force of greed in the mind that it is a rare monkey which can let goy

You know why the monkey gets trapped? Because of its greed. Because his greed won’t allow him to let go of the rice and take out his hand, the monkey remains trapped, a victim of his own greed, until he is captured; forever a captive of his greed.

Would this story be also true of people?
 
It is true of most of us too. Certain desires, ambitions, and biases keep us trapped.  Just like the monkey, all we need to do is "open our hands",  let go of ourselves, our attachments, and be free. What do you think?
 
 

 

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The Alarm Clock

alarm clock, bought from IKEA
An Alarm Clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The alarm clock is only useful if you follow what you wanted it to do for you,  that is, to wake up as soon as it rings. How you react to an alarm,  especially if  you personally set it,  is a reflection of your personality.

Designed to Remind Us to Wake Up

An alarm clock is designed to make a loud sound at a specific time.  These types of clocks are used to awaken people from their night's sleep or short naps.  They are sometimes used for other reminders as well. To stop the sound, a button or handle on the clock is pressed; but most clocks automatically stop the alarm sound if left unattended long enough. A classic  alarm clock has an extra hand or inset dial that is used to specify the time at which to activate the alarm.

With modern technology, digital gadgets have added the alarm functions to their capabilities. So alarm alerts are now standard features of  wristwatches and cellphones.  Many cell phones feature built-in alarms that do not require the phone to be powered on for the alarm to go off. Other cell phones feature the ability for the user to set the tone of the alarm, and in some cases music can be downloaded  to the phone and then chosen to play for waking.

But the way man interacts with the "alarm clock" remains the same, as when it was first used – to warn people about certain thing sthat they have to do once the alarm sounded.

So here the gist of the message I am trying to convey today:

We set our alarm clocks to a certain time before we go to sleep. We  want to wake up early enough so as not to be late for work or for our early morning rituals.

But waking up and starting to prepare for work or commencing our morning  routines are two different things.

When the alarm rings, we immediately push either its stop  or its snooze button.  We do not want to get up: we either want to go back to sleep or we just like to stay  in bed.  In some instances we even forgot that we were the one who set the alarm. And foolishly curse  it: saying it is still too early or  that it has goben off sooner than the time it was set, etc.  

But what most of us do is to re-set the alarm to a later time.   And when it rings again, we hit again the snooze or the stop button. And goes back to sleep beacuse it is still too early.

Yes, with the help of an alarm clok, all of us can really wake up early.  But waking up early does not mean rising up up from the bed early.

Because we seem to have a lot more time, if we feel lazy.

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The Sunset

I was in the Candaba Swamps in the afternoon of February 6, 2012. I was there to watch the migratory birds, but I got an added bonus: I was able to watch the sun as it was about to set.

Sunset at the Candaba Swamps February 2006

It was a most beautiful sight to see – a picture of tranquility, solitude and peacefulness.  I looked around to check  if the other people I saw working the fields earlier  were watching the sunset.  They were not. They were either walking  or  pedaling their bikes towards their homes.

Just like in Manila, I thought. We have a most beautiful sight of the Manila Bay sunset, but only a few people care to watch it. At the time the sun is setting, most  Manilenos are still at work;  are already on the way home from work; or, doesn't care about the sunset at all!

Manila Bay Sunset 2006

The sunset is not the only natural phenomenon suffering the same fate. The plants and the flowers in the forests are in the same boat. They grow, they die and they rot without anybody seeing them. The birds in the forests sing beautiful songs with no man being able to listen to their tunes.

So the next time you did something which you thought was outstanding but nobody praised you for it or even called your attention to it,  just remember the sunset and the plants,  the flowers and the birds in the forests.

Beautiful things and outstanding deeds are sometimes left unnoticed. But even then, they remain beautiful and outstanding. 

 

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Beauty Contests’ Q&A Moments

Beauty Contests Boo boos

It is during the Q&A portions of beauty contests that judges can ascertain whether the contestant has what it takes to win the crown. Oftentimes, it also provides a hint as to whether there is something between the ears of the aspirants.

Here are some amusing moments we noted during one of these beauty contests.

  • Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the  Philippines?
  • Contestant : Bocaue.
  • Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why Bocaue?
  • Contestant: Because it’s a magnificent place.
  • Host : Which part of Bocaue?
  • Contestant: The Bocaue Rice Terraces.

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  •  Host : What is your best feature?
  • Contestant : My graduation picture and also my baby picture.

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  •  Host : What is you favorite motto?
  • Contestant : If others can’t, why can’t I!

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  •  Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
  • Contestant : Please come back or you shall return.

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  •  Host : What is your typical day?
  • Contestant : I think Saturday po!

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  • Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do   it?
  • Contestant : That is a very good and easy question but is hard to answer… He! He! He!

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  • Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
  • Contestant : My edge? I’m 21 years old, Sir!

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  •  Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
  • Contestant: Thirty-five.
  • Host: Why 35?
  • Contestant: Because you are already old enough not to make any mistakes.

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  • Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
  • Contestant: I am now 18, plus 10… I’ll be 28!

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  • Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
  • Contestant : Drugs!
  • Host : Why?
  • Contestant: Kasi it is very expensive na, Sir!

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  • Host : What is the essence of a woman posing nude in magazines?
  • Contestant : Girls should be proud because when she is naked it is pleasing and essential to men’s eyes!

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  • Host : What makes you blush?
  • Contestant: I don’t blush because I have a dark complexion.

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