Amusing stories are passed on from one person to another. In the process, some details are lost and even the names of the original author(s) may even be omitted. Here is one example of such joke, which may have originated from the West and found its way to some email addresses here in the Philippines. I am posting it here because of its amusement value. Unfortunately, the name of its original author was no longer there when I received the email.
Smile.
Old people have problems that you haven ‘ t even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor ‘ s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
“Well, doc, it ‘ s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.”
“Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.”
“We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbour? ”
The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.. ”
1. You strike a match and light your nose.
2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
3. You hear a duck quacking and it’s you.
4. You tell your best joke to the indoor plant.
5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
6. You hear someone say, “Call a priest!”
7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
10. You tell everyone you have to go home… and the party’s at your place.
11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room… and realize you’re in front of the hall mirror.
Now, which one of the thirteen in the list were you on Christmas day?
I reproduce below the appeal for help for the victims of Typhoon Sendong sent via e-mail by Fr.Renato Ocampo Alumni Director and University Chaplain of the Ateneo de Davao University. As of 6am of December 20, 2011, there are already 957 dead, 49 missing and 1,582 injured.
Our kababayans badly need our help and prayers.
—– Forwarded Message —– From: “Fr. Renato C.Ocampo, S.J.” <alumnidir@magisx.addu.edu.ph> To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, XXXXXXXX@XXXXX.com Sent: Monday, December 19, 2011 4:42 PM Subject: Tabang Sendong – Appeals for the victims of Typhoon Sendong
{AdDU Alumni Affairs ePost # 147: 2011}
December 19, 2011
Mr.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX,
All of us know of the serious damage to life and property caused by the recent typhoon Sendong, the worst natural disaster to hit Northern Mindanao in decades. Assistance is needed for the urgent needs of our suffering brothers and sisters in Northern Mindanao, specially in Cagayan de Oro and Iligan. It is specially difficult for them at Christmas time.
Below are the appeals from Fr. Robert C. Yap S.J., President of Xavier University – Ateneo de Cagayan and from Mr. Melvin O. Lacuna, President of the AdDU Alumni Association.
At our University Chapel, prayers are offered for the victims in our daily Masses and at the Misas de Gallo. For our alumni and friends in Davao City, donations in kind will be received at the Samahan Office, Jacinto campus until Wednesday, December 21, 2011.
May we somehow be a source of hope for the suffering. We pray that our alumni and their families who live in or near the affected areas are safe. We thank God that we in Davao City were spared by typhoon Sendong, but we have sad memories of our own recent serious flooding in Matina Pangi which came in the middle of the night and claimed lives and destroyed a lot of properties.
God bless you for your kind solidarity with our brothers and sisters in Northern Mindanao, for your prayers for them and for your material and financial help.
Fr. Renato C. Ocampo, S.J.
Alumni Director / University Chaplain
Ateneo de Davao University alumnidir@addu.edu.ph ; reneocamposj@yahoo.com
Alumni Office Tel: (082) 221-2411 local 8227
Alumni Office Mobile: +63 921 616-0484 and +63 915-642-9261
==================
As President of the Ateneo Alumni Association, I would like to appeal to fellow alumni, to please send your donations or any form of help for the victims of typhoon Sendong in Cagayan de Oro City and Iligan City.
Please coordinate with the Ateneo de Davao Alumni Office, or to any of the organizations or institutions within your locality that are receiving help and donations in behalf of the victims.
May the spirit of Christmas be in our midst as we become men and women for others in this time of need….
Thank you very much and God bless us all! Animo Ateneo!
Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, were reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.
Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.”
The second guy said, “Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”
The third man said: “Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multi-millionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.”
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: “What are all the congratulations for?” One of the three said: “We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. “What about your son?”
The fourth man replied: “My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.” The three friends said: “What a shame…what a disappointment. “
The fourth man replied: “No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends..
If we build, they will come. This is a line from the movie Field of Dreams. This was the same line we used to answer detractors when we decided to build a chapel with nothing but the belief that we will receive contributions from the community’s residents and friends
It was the early-90s, and Parkwood Greens Executive Village was not as affluent a community as it is today. This was prior to the real estate boom that drove up land prices in the area. We were a small community then – mostly middle class employees at the early stages of their professional careers. Ninety eight percent of the residents are Catholics. Once a month on Sunday afternoons, a priest held masses at the clubhouse. But as subdivision population increased, the small clubhouse become a bit small for the increasing number of mass goers.
In 1996, an attempt to generate funds for a chapel was postponed to give way to another pressing project: solving the subdivision’s water supply problem by interconnecting its water lines with the MWSS. Every household had to fork out a substantial sum of money to make push through with the interconnection.
In 1998, Fr Henry Ferreras, then parish priest of the San Antonio Abad Parish of Maybunga, Pasig encouraged the residents to revive the project. He also promised that if a chapel is built within the village, he will make sure that there will be weekly Sunday masses in that chapel. The subdivision’s officers, which I then headed as President, took the challenge squarely.
In the beginning, all we had was the determination and the desire to build a chapel. The village association has no extra funds in its coffers to bankroll the project. But we were able to increase the collection efficiency of the association dues so that we had excess funds after payments of the maintenance, security and admin expenses. We used part of these savings as a seed fund for the project. We also embarked on a series of fund-raising activities: a Little Prince and Princess of Parkwood; a souvenir program; and, fund-raising dinners. During the Christmas season, we went house to house and sang christmas carols. All these activities raised funds and became opportunities to expand the support-base for the project. Those who believed in the project not only contributed cash and/or construction materials but also their own personal time campaigning for support from residents and friends outside of the village.
It was a community effort. Somebody worked on getting a written approval from the subdivision developer to allocate a vacant lot for the structure. Another resident made the engineering design. Two other residents, supervised the project. Another resident acted as foreman for the construction group. Within 5 months from the start of the construction, the chapel infrastructure was finished. The structure was blessed and the first mass within the chapel was celebrated by a guest priest — Fr Rex Arminia. Weekly masses in the still unfinished chapel started immediately after.
It took us another year to complete the finishing stages of the chapel. Another resident adept at finishing stages of a construction work took over the supervision of this meticulous phase of the project. Almost every aspect of the finishing stages of the project was sponsored by either one family or a group of families: the pews, the floor tiles, the altar, the altar’s marble floors, the ceiling, the chandeliers. the belfry, the images, the sound system. The parish priest waived the parish’s share of the Sunday mass collections in the chapel to add funds for the project.
We could not ask for anything more. We started building, and the support and the contributions came
Our Lady of Remedies at the Parkwood Chapel
Finally, on November 18, 2001 — then Bishop Carino of the Archdiocese of Pasig consecrated the Our Lady of Remedies as the Patroness of a fully finished chapel,
Since then, the chapel has become an integral part of the community. Aside from the weekly Sunday masses, it is also a more convenient venue for the traditional Simbang Gabi and the Lenten activities. It is also used for recollections, retreats, Easter egg hunts, and other activities of the various organizations of which some Parkwood residents are members. Occasionally, it is used for wakes of departed residents or their close relatives.
Last November 18. 2011, the village celebrated the 10th anniversary of the consecration of Our Lady of Remedies as the Patroness of the chapel. It was momentous occasion especially for those who were there when the chapel was nothing but a dream; and, who have worked to make that dream a reality. Moreover, it was an opportunity for the younger generations to understand how a structure has become a symbol of a community working together to fulfill a dream. To me, the most fulfilling part of the experience was when we got more than the majority of residents of the subdivision to take part and to take ownership of the project. I would not have trade that for one or two guys just giving me the whole sum we needed for the chapel project.
In closing., let me share with you a music video prepared to commemorate the tenth anniversary of the consecration of our chapel. (please click-through the video title below)
Let me end this post with excerpts from the homily delivered by Fr. Henry Ferreras during the Holy Mass on the feast day of Our Lady Of Remedies held at the chapel last November 18, 2011.
…… Walang saysay ang ating pananampalataya kung ito ay hindi nakaugat sa isang malalim na pagmamahal.. pagmamahal sa Diyos, pagmamahal sa Inang Maria….na ipinangalan natin sa chapel na ito … Our Lady of Remedies…
Today, as we come together in this chapel let us remember that this chapel… ay bunga.. bunga ng ating pag-ibig sa Diyos, bunga ng lahat nag ating pagkakayahan sa lahat ng pagsubok sa atin… at ito ay bunga ng ating malalim na panampalataya…
Today, I will share with you a list I wrote in my notebook more than 25 years ago.
Its title is “Just For Today.” I am not the original author of this list, but I don’t also know who is its original author. I may have copied it from some book, magazine or may have heard it from somebody. I may have liked it so much for me to put the contents into my trusty notebook.
Today as I read it again, I noted that each line of the list gives strength and progress. I also realize that I have tried to do most of what it says, everyday.
Here is the list.
This day I’ll do these thirteen (13) promises.”
I will live through the next twelve hours and not try to tackle all of life’s problem at once.
I will improve my mind
I will learn something useful.
I will learn something that requires effort, thought, and concentration.
I will be agreeable, I will look my best, speak in a well modulated voice, and be courteous and considerate.
I will not find fault with friends, relatives or colleagues.
I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself..
I will have a program, I might not follow it exactly but I will have it.
I will save myself from two enemies—hurry and indecision.
I will do a good turn and keep it a secret,
I will do two things I don’t want to do. Just for the exercise.
I will believe in myself.
I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give its best to me.
-Just for Today
It may be difficult to do all the 13 items listed above within one day. Perhaps doing it a thing at a time will help, if only to get the ball rolling. But give it a try. It is worth the effort.
