Here are some tips on how to deal with male chauvinists. The first and fourth were shared to me by friends from the women’s movement, while the second and third were jokes shared during golf games.  Enjoy them.

Marriage – Part I

Typical macho man marries typical good-looking woman and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.

I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules!  Any comments?”

His new bride says, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night  whether you’re here or not.”

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Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife have a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, “When you die,  I’m getting you a headstone that reads:

“Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever ”

“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die,  I’m getting you a headstone that reads:

“Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last”

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Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, “You’re no good in bed either!” and storms out of the house.   After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,  “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed.”

“In bed this early, doing what?”

She says, “Getting a second opinion!”

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Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud  of his achievements. He is so proud of himself,

that he starts calling his wife, “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home

and wants to find out  if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home ‘Mother of Six?’

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts right back,

“Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four.”

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