SIGNS – Door Signs 1

I got this set of amusing signs posted at various doors from an email coming from Reynaldo Espanola. I am sharing this with you below.

 

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: 
 “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
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In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist’s door:
“To expedite your visit please back in.”
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On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
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On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..” 
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On a Church’s Billboard:
“7 days without God makes one weak.”
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee : 
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
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At a Towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
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On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.” 
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In a Nonsmoking Area: 
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.” 
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On a Maternity Room door: 
“Push. Push. Push.”
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At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
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On a Taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”
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On a Fence:
“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!” 
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At a Car Dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.” 
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Outside a Muffler Shop: 
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
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In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
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At the Electric Company
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don’t, you will be.”
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In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.”
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
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At a Propane Filling Station:
“Thank heaven for little grills.”
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And don’t forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”

Steve Jobs, 1955 – 2011

 

Today, the world lost a creative genius.  Steve Jobs died at the age of 56.

Steve Jobs changed the way we interact with technology and in doing so, he changed technology. He left his mark in so many industries:

  • the personal computers industry with Apple II and Macintosh;
  • the music industry with iPod and iTunes;
  • the phone industry with iPhone and iPad;  and,
  • the animation and the movies industries with Pixar.

 

Steve Jobs: Visionary, Entrepreneur, Icon

The man did not finish college, but was able to build a computer empire, and became a multi-millionaire.

He was fired from his own company but came back a decade later to save it and turn it into one of the world’s most influential corporations. And when he may have realized that his time is near, he paved the way for a smooth succession process.

His resignation letter when he stepped down as CEO of Apple, reflects the confidence he has in the succession process and the basic strength of the company he founded, saved, and nurtured.

 

“I believe Apple’s brightest and most innovative days are ahead of it. And I look forward to watching and contributing to its success in a new role.”

“I have made some of the best friends of my life at Apple, and I thank you all for the many years of being able to work alongside you.”

 

This will not be the last of my blogs about Steve Jobs. In the near future, I will write about the lessons I got from him as a visionary, and entrepreneur and an icon.

For helping make the way we do things easier  and faster, THANK YOU STEVE JOBS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Win Customers

I had this in my notebook for a long time. I am not sure whether I got  it from a book I was reading or from an article in a website. What  I am sure though, is that this set of quotations captures what every brand man has to do to win customers.

Tell me what you think.

 

Don’t sell me clothes,
Sell me sharp appearance, style and attractiveness.

Don’t sell me insurance.
Sell me peace of mind and a great future for my family.

Don’t sell me a house.
Sell me comfort, contentment, investment and pride of ownership.

Don’t sell me books.
Sell me pleasant hours and profits of knowledge.

Don’t sell me toys.
Sell my children happy moments.

Sell good feelings, self-respect, happiness and solutions to my life’s problems.

– Michael LeBoeuf  in “How to win customers and Keep Them for Life”

 

Do you agree? Why?

 

 

St.Matthew: tax collector, sinner

 

Bureau of Customs

DAVAO City – I came early in the morning of September 21 at the Bureau of Customs District XII Office located at the Port of Davao, Barangay Sasa.  This was my second time to be inside the compound of one of the most important revenue-raising agencies of the government. It  is also perceived to be one of the most corrupt.  (An insider told me their agency is in the fifth place.)  I learned later that the District XII Office has consistently surpassed its collection targets for about 10 years in a row.  Year-to-date collection level is already Php134 million above its full year target of about Php 5.2 billion.  A great feat indeed, but not many people know or even care to know.

My first visit to Bureau of Customs’ District XII office was sometime in 1988.  I was to pick up two boxes of used reference books donated by Oxfam-UK for our newly-established Halad Foundation, a voluntary organization for relief and rehabilitation of disaster victims.  It was only two years since EDSA,  so  I thought that the culture of corruption disappeared with Marcos in Hawaii. But I was wrong.  An overweight customs officer asked me to pay  US$450 for the release of the books. I was surprised because  our expatriate friends in Manila  had already paid for the freight and other custom duties for the books. The officer said he made the computation based on the tag price of the books which were in US$ and UKpounds.

I do not have U$450,  so I asked him to reconsider his computation. I insisted that those were used books donated by a charitable institution for charity purposes.  Later he came back with a new computation of Php 450 which I immediately paid thinking it was a fair bargain.  But on my way out, he brought me to a corner and handed me raffle tickets for a coronation event and whispered in the vernacular “donasyon po Sir para sa anak ko na kandidata.”

My second visit would be different, I thought. I was not there to get a package.  I was there to interview retired Brig. General Danilo Lim, the newly appointed Deputy Commissioner for Intelligence who was to fly from Manila to Davao that day for an unspecified mission.  Our Gold Star Daily publisher Mr. Ernesto Chu called me up a day earlier to secure an interview with one of the most decorated and colorful generals in the Armed Forces of the Philippines.

Deputy Customs Commissioner Danilo Lim

A  few years ago General Danilo Lim refused to be used as pawn by some politicians in the game called high corruption. He chose incarceration rather than tarnish the honor of his name and his command.   He is among the few men in uniform who have the guts to spill the beans, so to speak against the excesses of their high command, much more against their commander-in-chief.

There were no big billboards and tarpaulins announcing the visit of the number 2 guy of the Bureau of Customs. There were no banquet preparations either.  Instead, the people at the lobby of the main building were preparing for the 11:00 a.m. Wednesday Novena Mass for office employees. It appears that only a few officials in the bureau knew that he is coming over. General Danilo Lim sent me a text message confirming the date and time of his arrival and asked me to meet him at the customs office.

St. Matthew

While waiting for his arrival from the airport, I decided to attend the Mass at the lobby of the Customs Office.  I don’t know if  it was providential or not, but the Gospel of the day was about St. Matthew, the tax collector who later became an Evangelist and whose house was visited by Jesus to the dismay of the Jews.  For them tax collectors are sinners because they enrich themselves for their Roman masters. This is very much like how most people today view custom collectors and BIR examiners.  But of course the end of the Gospel spoke of Jesus’ mission of saving not just the good ones but also the sinners.  A sigh of relief seems to reverberate on the walls of the lobby.

A few minutes after the mass, a convoy of five cars entered the gate of the customs office.  Excitement grew when the bespectacled General Lim wearing his signature immaculate white short-sleeve polo shirt alighted from the black Toyota Land Cruiser.  He was led to the office by the out-going customs collector.  Later in the afternoon, we joined him to the container yard to open 17 confiscated vans full of smuggled cargoes of premium rice and assorted personal goods from Taiwan and the US. That was a good “buena mano” for Commissioner Lim and his local team at the Customs Intelligence and Investigation Section. That  morning’s “catch” was Php 21 million-worth of misdeclared goods.

Kudos to Deputy Commissioner Danilo Lim  and his local team. Good luck also to incoming district customs collector Atty. Martiniano Bangcoy who promised a “new beginning” for the entire bureau of customs family in Davao. We will be counting on you Sirs!

 

(This article first appeared on September 24, 2011 in  Emmanuel Roldan’s column Davao’s Peak at Mindanao Gold Star Daily (www.goldstardailynews.com) The author can be reached via email at: emmanuel.roldan@gmail.com)

 

About Emmanuel Roldan:

Emi is my kababayan from Padada, Davao del Sur. We went to the same high school and were altar boys and choir members in our parish church. Today, Emi is a news editor/columnist of the Mindanao Gold Star Daily – a member of the Sunstar Group. Aside from being a journalist, he is also a development worker and a human rights advocate having served in various organizations engaged in human rights protection and development work. At work and at play, Emi was able to nurture his childhood love for music. He still plays mean tunes on his guitar and sings very well.

 

Parental Wisdom

I think most of us remember with fondness the instances when our parents had their own ways of calling our attention to our “palpak” moments. Following are some of the  “nuggets of wisdom” that we use to get in regular doses from our parents.

Read on as these may come in handy when you become parents yourselves.

 

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE :
                    “Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas!
                             Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay.”
 
2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay
                     “Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!”

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC :
                      “Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko.”

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC:
                     “Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine.” 

5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY:
                      “Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!”
 
6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM:
                        “Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!”

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng STAMINA: 
                          “Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga’t di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!”

8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER:                                                                                        “Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid,                                                               parang dinaanan ng bagyo!”

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:                                                                          “Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito,                                                                      maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito.”

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
                          “Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang umarte na parang Nanay mo!”

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS:
                            “Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!”

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY :
                              “Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang.
                             Di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?”
 
13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION:
                             “Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!”

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING: 
                              “Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!” 

15. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng DETERMINATION: 
                         “Hanapin mo yung pinahahanap ko sa ! iyo, pag di mo nahanap, makikita mo!”
 
16. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR:
                        “Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na                                wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!”

17. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE:
                             “Balang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak…tiyak magiging katulad mo at                                   magiging sakit din sa ulo!” 

 

Pedring, Ondoy, et.al — Are we ever ready for them?

On September 27, 2011 Typhoon Pedring hit land. It did not hit Metro Manila directly, yet, the rains that pour on the metropolis cause flooding in various places. The situation is worse in Central and Northern Luzon. All of a sudden we remember the floods brought by Typhoon Ondoy which wrecked havoc on Metro Manila, two years and one day ago.

The government was more prepared in 2011 compared to two years ago.  Emergency workers evacuated river areas that are notorious for flooding.  Authorities enforced forced evacuations to prevent casualties. And some residents acted more quickly this time to evacuate homes as waters rose. The weather bureau has forewarned the nation about the forthcoming scenario. Their regular updates have guided disaster management officials and the general public.

But still, some government offices that have not stepped up to the plate. The suspension of classes at the college levels came at a time when most students have already gone to their colleges and universities. Likewise, the announcement that government employees not involved in emergency work do not have to report to their offices also came late in the morning Result:  thousands of students and employees got stranded. The joke around town was that people were already swimming in the floods when they heard that classes and work were already suspended(see image).

There is also the question of why those in-charge of the dams have to wait for the water levels to reach almost spilling levels before they start releasing the waters. After all, the amount of rainfall hitting the various areas in the country has been measured and forecasted by Pagasa with a comfortable margin of accuracy.

In fairness, we have improved a lot in the disaster management side of the issue.  But on the prevention side, much work needs to be done.   Following are my reasons for making this conclusion:

  1. I am not sure if there is comprehensive plan to abate if not solve the flooding problem. And if ever there is one, I am not sure when it will be started. I have read a lot of press releases from several national government agencies and local governments on what they plan to do. But even the simple act of reforesting the Marikina watershed has not been started.
  1. There is no improvement in our garbage disposal system.   Tons of garbage fill up the whole stretch of the shorelines of Manila Bay along Roxas Boulevard after every typhoon – trash that are from the esteros and canals upstream. Obviously, residents are still throwing their garbage directly into our waterways, and the government appears helpless in enforcing whatever law that prohibits throwing of garbage to the waterways.
  1. We have not relocated the squatters occupying waterways and floodways. Illegal residents continue to squat on easements and clog waterways with trash.  Even middle to high income residents do not respect the easement laws.  Just look at upscale and mid mid-scale subdivisions where residents appropriate public easements, either fencing them off or worse still, covering them over with permanent structures that clog waterways with concrete.
  1. We have not de-clogged our drainage and dredged our creeks and waterways. In fairness, there were so many projects aimed at de-clogging of canals and esteros immediately after Typhoon Ondoy. Two years after, however, these efforts have slowed down. A casual inspection all around the metropolis will show that many of our canals are still clogged with trash.
  1. We hardly maintain the dikes and sea walls separating bodies of waters from land. The breaching of dikes in Pampanga and Bulacan as well as the destruction of the sea wall along Roxas Boulevard attests to our failure to maintain these types of structures.

Given all the above, it is a foregone conclusion that floods will still be prevalent. Heavy rains will result in submerged streets and the best we can do is prepared for the floods. Following are simple reminders that will help anyone reduce the losses brought about by floods:

  1. Have an emergency plan and an emergency kit.  Talk about an evacuation plan, what to do, where to meet, what things to have, and the contents of a grab and go bag in the event that calamities would happen. Make sure all members of the family, including household help are aware of this plan.
  1. Make sure you have an Act of God insurance coverage for your house and your car.  This will protect your house, its contents, as well as provide coverage for lost rental income if you are renting your properties. The same goes for your car.
  1. Secure your important files and documents?  Back-up your computer files and store it online.  Scan important documents like land titles, passports, transcripts, diplomas, pictures, certificates, and pictures so that electronic copies can be stored safely in different secure locations or you can even store them online. Rent a safety deposit box in a bank located in a flood free area or invest in a fireproof and waterproof safe at home. Waterproof containers or plastic bags could also help  protect documents against floods.

And one last suggestion. Pray for our safety.